Wow, I'll never forget the months after Dean called to break our relationship off. I simply set myself on the path to self destruction. I started drinking when it got too painful. Feelings were something I hated to face. So I did whatever I could to lessen the pain. Leaned on my best friend I had at the time, and I had been laid off my job before the dreadful news as well.
I got on unemployment and found a part time job with full time hours, and started crushing on several guys. Hoping this would ease the pain I went back to my cycle of looking for a man fix. This was 5 yrs before I discovered the opiates that made me comfortably numb. My job was cashier at one of those Memebership warehouses. Sam's bought them out years later.
I got involved with Brad Ludwig, who drove a huge old Red Chevy pickup with black doors. He winked at me all time, and I had my eye set on him. However when I showed up at AA meetings I would see Dean. I did not handle it well. I would burst into tears and cry out of the blue. I carried a torch and a picture of the two of us in my wallet showing his picture like we never broke up.
Then came the day when I put a poem in the warehouse newsletter, Brad and I started seeing one another. He dumped Bri, the girl he was seeing for me. However I was enjoying the alcohol too much. I went w/him to a store party at T-Birds and the braves game. I was plastered at both events, We had sex in several places including by a set a train tracks in his pickup in Lithonia Ga. All the while my fellow friends at my love addiction group where concerned about me.
Brad blew me off and I told my Al-Anon sponsor I had a drinking problem .That was the beginning of my exposure to the program. I managed a year without the drinking, transferred to another location of the membership warehouse, and set my on a new course. There, I met the next relationship..with a mullet and tattoos. But that's another story.
Footnote: Recently I judged someone for carrying a torch for their ex. Yet I had done the same thing many times. But..this time I caught myself gratefully. The program works if you work it.
More will be revealed.....
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