Neediness, Plain and Simple

I almost have gotten to the year mark in sobriety. The given rule in AA or NA is it's suggested no relationships (or romantic, sexual involvement) until that year has passed. Well I made the mistake of getting involved w/a male friend of three years. I didn't think it would hurt as they were mainly physical urges. Well, afterward a neediness crept in that I didn't see coming. A friend summed it up. "How do you remove the word STUPID off your forehead?"

Jay (name changed for privacy reasons) and I had been buddies since 2010. He had a roving eye and loved the ladies. Also he is married still. He's not even pressing forward w/the divorce although he's living separately from his wife. A developmental systems analyst for Emory University and a musician in 2 rock bands. I have a weakness for musicians. He also just broke up w/a woman who was, as I saw back in December, looked like she was about to pass out from Thorazine.

I got physically and sexually involved with Jay after persuing him. He had weird hangups and intimacy issues. I thought my taste would have gotten healthier but no, it didn't. Vigilance is key in recovery. No man (or woman) is going to fill my void. I still must be happy w/myself. My judgement was clouded like being on a drug. I got angry and retaliated on social media. He unfriended me. As it is now, I've learned a painful lesson. But I'm feeling better emotionally. It's my physical body that's suffering at the moment but that's another story, albeit a private one. However, I'm feeling hopeful again.

More will be revealed....